Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Perspective - Are Marriages Really Made in Heaven?

By: Shazia Yousuf

Rishtay asmano pe bantay hein” (Marriages are made in heaven).
Most of the elderly aunties are heard chanting this. A lot of us actually believe in this too. In fact, marriages don’t just happen! At the back of the mind, everyone is a believer of the fact that all marriages that take place and those that eventually work out well have something to do with the cupid up there in the heaven. Anyone just doesn’t get married to anyone. There is believed to be some Divine energy associated with marriages.
Getting married was easier in the past. Maybe cupid was more efficient back then. In eastern society marriages were mostly arranged. Parents would take the decision first, ask for the children’s wish and consent later and close the deal. The children mostly had to agree since they usually had no other option available but to say yes. Love marriages also happened. But love relationships were also limited to just seeing, liking and concluding that yes this is Love! Decision making was easier. Marriages worked out, people lived happily ever after too, or at least they tried to. Mostly, people married first and love blossomed eventually. Even if it didn’t, marriages still survived, maybe due to closely knit family structures and family pressures. Match making was simple, yet many a times, the matches were a total mismatch! The marriages still had to work.

Getting married has become difficult these days. Compatibility is a major factor that is being considered by the generation of today. People prefer to fall in love first and then marry. They are actually looking for a companion for marriage. For this reason, a lot of young girls and boys wait for the cupid to do its work and the waiting period usually gets quite extended. In many cases, they are unable to find a perfectly appropriate match. In other cases where girls and boys are ready for arranged marriage, finding the right match is still an issue. Education, work, living style and religious backgrounds are a few of the factors that are looked into for decision making. It is tough to find a person who fulfills all of the requirements and some compromise has to be made. Yet the decision still depends on the clicking factor.
Match making is getting tougher day by day. Were it something initiated in the heavens, things would have remained the same. Or maybe that clicking thing is where the cupid comes in action!
However I believe youngsters of today have been so much exposed to knowledge and bad experiences that they fear getting married. People in the past were not too paranoid about compatibility or clicking issues. Exposure to information is good in a way, but it has its side effects. I would rather use the word side effects than bad effects. This fear factor is making it difficult for youngsters to take the decision. Marriage is a gamble, and these youngsters are afraid to take up the challenges.
They need to realize, life is not a fairy tale! It is for sure a gamble, whether it is love marriage or arranged. Life takes unusual twists and turns and all we need is to be prepared to plunge into it with full courage and the will to make things work. “They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.” - Clint Eastwood. Yes, for sure there is a lot of thunder and lightning involved in real life and you have to steer your boat through it.
 “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” - Leo Tolstoy.
Love is considered as a very strong emotion or a feeling, but I believe “Love is a verb”. It can be nurtured by actions and positive approach and made to blossom if you have the will. It comes naturally, by simply excluding the element of hate or dislike from your surroundings.
But the question remains, whether, marriages are made in heaven or on earth. These days, they appear to be more of a thing from the heaven since the appropriate match first needs to “click”. Even so, the ups and downs are a part of every relationship, whether made in heaven or on earth. As soon as you tie the knot and are ready take up that life changing turn in the journey of life, at that very moment marriage becomes an earthly thing. As expressed by Rodney Dangerfield, an American comedian, “My wife and I were happy for 20 years…then we met.”, shows that marriage, although a wonderful experience, is full of challenges. What is more important is that marriages, whether made in heaven or on earth, they need to work.

Originally published at: http://www.aaj.tv/author/shazia.yousuf/


  1. Shazia, thanks for elaborating the most common social issue.
    In fact, the current ``paradigm shift`` have an irreversible impact on the institution of arranged/love marriage on larger scale now. Depending on the intensity of the biological necessity, the search for ‘Mr. right’ or ‘Ms. better half’ is an ongoing phenomenon.
    Thank God, a negative status quo within old marriage system is almost gone with the wind, whereas necessity of compatibility still remains a key factor.
    Since marrying is a gamble, the ``couples to be`` have to think over and over before jumping into the level playing field of biological necessity.
    Even if the friendly chemistry of the couples is favourable, there are other factors of negative scenarios - full of ups and downs in the days ahead. So, the looming fear factor to some degree is a reality.
    In old days, parental dictatorship resulted many times in a mismatch; nevertheless, youth of today is wide awake due to media, internet, and mass communication made-easy, so they know now that they have rights to enjoy, pick and choose and what not!
    Just having crush isn’t enough anymore, unless there is guaranteed matrimonial security based on mutual microscopic eyes. No room for grey area or confusion with respect to mental and financial stability exits any longer fortunately.
    Naturally, match making has become a difficult challenge, but the results are great.
    Love first, marry later is ok, only when the boundaries aren`t crossed illegitimately of course
    Certainly, it`s gamble to go for love or arranged marriage, however, for the believers, marriages are decided in heaven, yet are executed on earth.

  2. So true :) just loved the way u ve put it!!!! agreed with ur opinion :)

  3. A girl, right from her childhood till the time when she understands what LOVE is, knows one thing for sure; that one day that beautiful moment will come in her life when she will marry her prince. Till that time she prepares herself, every day, for that special moment. Read more on http://nectarofhappiness.com

  4. I feel a girl, right from her childhood till the time when she understands what LOVE is, knows one thing for sure; that one day that beautiful moment will come in her life when she will marry her prince. Till that time she prepares herself, every day, for that special moment. Share your thoughts about this wonderful relationship on http://nectarofhappiness.com